Understanding Trauma, Part 2: What Does Feeling Safe Actually Look Like?

Welcome to Part 2 of our trauma series! In Part 1, we talked about the “why” of trauma. We discussed:

• Why your body might react to danger even when your mind knows you're safe

• How fight, flight, freeze, and fawn are protective strategies your nervous system reaches for

• Why you can recognize you’re currently safe but not feel it
  

If you read that post and felt a sense of relief  (oh, that's why this happens), this next part is for you. Because understanding your reactions is only half the journey. The other half is learning what safety actually feels like, and how to help your body find its way back there.

Here's the tricky part: safety isn't just the absence of danger. It's not simply "nothing bad is happening right now." Safety is a felt, embodied experience; a settling in the chest, a slower breath, a loosening in the shoulders, a sense that it's okay to be here, right now, in this body. For many people, especially those with a history of stress, overwhelm, or trauma, this felt sense of safety can feel unfamiliar or even uncomfortable at first. That discomfort doesn't mean something is wrong with you; it often just means your nervous system hasn't had much practice being there.

The good news is that safety isn't something you either have or don't have; it's something you can build, gradually and gently, over time. It's less about forcing calm and more about teaching your nervous system, through repeated small experiences, that it's allowed to soften. 

So, what are some regulating exercises to help you feel safety after experiencing trauma? Read on for more info from the holistic healers at Rise and Thrive Counseling!

Tuning Into Your Body's Signals

Before you can regulate a nervous system response, it helps to notice it's happening in the first place. Body awareness is often the first, quiet step toward change.

• Do a body scan. Pause and notice, without judgment: where do you feel tension, tightness, or heaviness right now? Naming it ("my jaw is clenched," "my chest feels tight") begins to create a little distance from it.

• Track your baseline. Notice what calm actually feels like for you on an ordinary day. This becomes your reference point for recognizing when you've drifted into activation.

• Name the state, not just the story. Instead of only asking "why am I upset," try asking "what is my body doing right now" - is it activated, shut down, somewhere in between?

• Practice without pressure. Body awareness is a skill that grows with repetition, not something you either have or don't. Small, frequent check-ins matter more than getting it "right."
  

Grounding, Predictability, and Boundaries

Once you can notice what your body is doing, the next step is helping it find steadier ground. This often comes through a combination of in-the-moment grounding tools and longer-term structure in your life.

• Try simple grounding techniques. Feeling your feet on the floor, naming five things you can see, or holding something with texture can help bring your nervous system back to the present moment.

• Slow your exhale. A longer exhale than inhale (try inhaling for 4 counts, exhaling for 6–8) can signal safety to your body's stress response system.

• Build predictable rhythms. Regular sleep, meals, and routines aren't just about productivity. Predictability itself is deeply regulating for the nervous system.

• Set and honor boundaries. Saying no, taking space, or limiting contact with people or situations that consistently activate you isn't avoidance - it's often a necessary part of teaching your body it's safe to protect itself.
  

Connection as a Path Back to Safety

Humans are wired for connection, and co-regulation (the calming that happens in the presence of a safe, attuned other) is one of the most powerful tools we have for building a felt sense of safety.

• Spend time with people who feel safe. Notice how your body responds around different people; safety is often contagious in the best way.

• Let yourself be seen. Sharing honestly with a trusted friend, partner, or therapist, even in small ways, can help the nervous system practice being vulnerable without danger.

• Use co-regulation intentionally. A calm voice, a steady presence, or physical comfort (a hug, a hand on your back) can help regulate your system when self-regulation alone feels out of reach.

• Give it time. If connection has felt unsafe in the past, it's normal for this to take practice. Small, consistent, positive experiences of connection can gradually reshape what your body expects.
  

Learning to recognize safety is a practice, not a switch you flip. Some days it will feel obvious; other days, old patterns will resurface, and that's not a step backward; it's simply how nervous systems heal, in layers and over time.

Resources to Learn More

• Anchored by Deb Dana, LCSW: practical, accessible exercises for nervous system regulation using Polyvagal Theory.

• The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, MD: explores the connection between trauma, the body, and healing.

• My Grandmother's Hands by Resmaa Menakem: examines racialized trauma, healing, and body-based practices for safety.

• The National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine (NICABM): free articles and webinars on trauma and nervous system regulation.

• Ready to explore this further with support? Reach out to our office to schedule a session with one of our therapists.
  

If you want more holistic help, look no further than Rise and Thrive Counseling. Our holistic counselors can help address all areas of life. Reach out today to learn more. We look forward to hearing from you!